“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners”
Right now I am not okay, as is write this blog I am in pain.
It’s a matter of being turn between facing your life and choosing to do what your family want (even when it turn your heart into pieces L)
I ask God what is wrong why is He so quiet … Don’t He don’t want to talk to me anymore, I told Him that I will not continue His calling to me anymore, that I choose to step out of my comfort zone just to follow Him and to answer His call. I tried to be brave for Him, I do it all for Him but yet this will happen to me and my family, is this how He treat his Servant? His daughter?
But out of nowhere a piece of paper is in my bed, it’s handwritten is different and I can’t remember it, but I know that somehow I see that paper before (in seminar in our church somehow) it’s a piece of paper that is written with left hand (but right handed person) it’s in Isaiah 61 a verse that really hit me, it has a drawing of a lady and 4 younger people (students I guess)
Upon reading the verse I got amaze because it like God is talking to me directly, and saying to me “Hey, who am I again? I thought you know who am I? why are you so afraid then? I have anointed you … and why are you doubting now? Are you going to believe them more than what I told you? You will share the Gospel and me to the people who need to hear me, you will share the good news of salvation. That is your purpose.. you will bind the brokenhearted, you will bring peace to the people. Your light that is from me will shine to them and you will bring light to their dark life. That’s what I want you to do. That’s what we agreed isn’t it? Don’t you trust me? Don’t you have faith in me? Do not be afraid I choose you .. I ANNOINT YOU… “
I remember the verse in Exodus 14:14 “ The Lord will FIGHT FOR YOU, you need only to be STILL”
It make me say that, I am so stupid and so stubborn, I told Him that I will never leave Him, that I will continue to fight that I will deny myself and follow Him. But now I am afraid… to much fear, because of my family, because I don’t want to lose them, I don’t want them to feel like they are not important to me specially my sister, she stand for me she never leave me. But now I am leaving her, I am giving her too much burden. I am afraid that if I will continue to go full time, that I will force her to leave me. I love her so much even with myself. But how can I give up my purpose in life. How dare me to deny Jesus, but again, I’m asking myself maybe God will understand that I need to stand with my family.
please to the people who can read this .. help me pray for me … I’m in too much pain specially for the words that I heard from my mom, words that you won’t expect a mother can tell to her child. I don’t know, it really hurt me so much cause I love her yet all I can see is her anger to me.
Please pray for me, pray that God will fill my heart and help me understand, help me to stand pray that my family specially my sister will allow me to go full time.
Please pray that I can overcome this depression I am facing right now… I don’t want this feeling anymore …