God’s TIMELINE

Most of  the time I pray for my friend, family and ofcourse myself

“Lord God please help my friend NOW, give her knowledge in knowing everything. Give her financial breakthrough”

“Lord help her, that she can move on in her problem in love life NOW, I want to see her moving on”

 

As I was washing our clothes, (hand wash with the help of washing machine) I came to a thought I always talk to God whenever I’m doing some house hold choirs, and upon asking Him when will my friend will overcome her struggle, it’s quite so long now, I want her to be happy again a genuine smile. So I pray again asking God to heal her heart and to let her know that she is love that she need to move on.

But God speak to me, to wait on His timing, that He know what is best for my friend, that if I really love my friend I will TRUST God, because as much as I like my friend to be on track again God also want that more than my eagerness. I told Him, “oh Lord I forgot You know everything I should stop asking You to bring that fast or to have it now. I should wait for Your right timing, Your timeline is always perfect, I just need to be eagerly wait to be a WITNESS  in my friends testimony”

He told me that I don’t need to think too much about my friends problem because He is in control, that my friend’s problem will surely be resolve. In His timing, because if I force or we force to be finish it without God’s approval we are going to get hurt. We will be forcing it and it will only hurt us too much.

God reminded me

…..that all I need to do is be still and know that He is in CONTROL

…. That everything will be OKEY in the future

…..that she will overcome it

….I will be a witness in her testimony

… I need to be STILL , RELAX AND CONTINUE TO PRAY AND TRUST ON GOD’S TIMELINE

 

Emotion

Posting in FB while you are high in your emotion is not good at all.

I tried to  stop doing that but I really can’t understand the PEOPLE

why are they good at judging (they should be a JUDGE)

 

I really don’t know how can someone just judge somebody when they don’t know the side of the other person, how come they can easily say that you are not  you. that you are not worthy of things, that you are not good.
when you try to be good to other they are easily can make you feel so worthless, so useless.

sometimes people even … NO almost all the time are try to bring you down, why the HECK they want to be a crab … !!!

 

I hate it … sorry guys … I need a comfort😦

Wall

someone told me that i’m a plastic hahah amazing, I even dont know that i’m that kind of girl . I really don’t get it how come she can judge me the fact that she is a leader yet she judge me. I thougth that I can trust them that’s why I told them my prob so that they can help me. but the problem is NO, they didn’t help me they Judge me. tand this is the reason why I choose to build my wall

I know I should not post this here in my blog since all I want is to give encouragement to other but the thing is I just want my reader to know that I also have and encounter some problem and struggle that really make me sad and give me a hard time. I don’t really know what to do but I will just trust God that He will never give this to me if I cannot handle it

but the thing is we need to be very careful in whom we can trust, it’s not because they are leader for a long time you can trust them. sometime you just need to stick to people that really been tested by circumstances.

having a wall is not a good thing but for me now this is the best thing I can do, I’m already tired, tired of being hurt and now being judge and hearing those hurtful words. I don’t really know whom to trust. I felt like I’m all alone …

I don’t want to make any emo or sad statement here, I don’t want to discourage you to trust someone or to tell your problem to your friend, but I am just here to tell you to be very careful. Not everyone that is smiling to you is you friend.
This world is so full of traitor you only need to trust God .

the thing that I am praying now is that I won’t have a heart of stone … I don’t want to isolate myself again, I don’t want what I am thinking😦

 

but something is for sure something will happen in the future and I know there is something that I will know and see …

 

First Test… Family

atfirst at thought everything will be easy, everything will fall according to my plan, that i won’t need to worry about anything. Everything will fall according to plan. But I was wrong, even though we have a business.

It is more challenging now because I got two work, I got two responsibilities (ofcourse we already have a lot).

I thought my sister will be the one that I will be in struggle since she is the one that won’t go to church with us. But God is good all the time, she told me that if I’m happy with Campus Missionary just go.

“alright everything is according to my plan ”

i was so happy and then God say, but it’s not my plan, let see

so God show me how she gonna deal with me and it’s my mom that struggle me. She don’t want me to go to church anymore, (only once a week )

and it really hurt me since I go to campus, and i do some ministry in music. I ask myself God is this dishonoring You if I won’t follow Your calling. I need to focus .

to make my long story short (since i’m kinda sleepy it’s already 2am)

I was like out of focus, I forgot that I have a big god and everything is according to His plan not on my plan. I just need to relax and stand firm🙂

after the YES … now what?

Alright, I already say “YES”, now what?

What should I do, what will happen, can I really do this, what will happen next year?

I got lot of things running on the back of my head, a lot of question that is hard to answer.

I’m a worrier, I worry a lot and ask lot of thing in my future.
Every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I go to campus with my friend/partner. She is currently on OJT (on the job training) for CM, and I was like her intern I’m a volunteer right now in campus missionary, I want to know what are the thing that I will be doing in the future. I’m enjoying talking to students, but sometimes fear struck me, fear of rejection especially to students. Also I don’t know how to start to share the gospel. One time when we start talking about God the group of student that we are with start disappearing and its quiet hard to see.

There are still some moment when I ask if this is really my calling especially if I got a problem involving the ministry. One of the hardest moment is when one of the parent of the student in the campus arrive to the campus and the church name and my name is involve in the issue that need to be settle by one of the instructor that is also attending our church. It’s not OK for me, I felt like I’m bring God’s name as well as the church name, and the organization name too. I told myself what if I’m not really effective, what if more parents will arise and I will be the reason for the ENC to be banned in the campus. It was quiet hard to go to campus again after that. I feel like I’m about to lose, I ask God why did He even put me in this situation if He don’t want me to be effective in campus, is He playing with me, playing with my emotion. I even ask God to end my life, I even prayed for it. (That how I deep I take it )
plus one more thing, my one friend that I treat as my sister, and I even told God that she will never ever backstab me. Well she did and it was really sad, it hurt me, and even sometimes I ask myself should I trust NO ONE? Should I just start building wall so that no one can hurt me again? I don’t like the feeling that I’ve been feeling this past few days. It really hurt me.

But you know what? God just talk me to keep still the verse that confirm my calling remind me why I was in the campus, it’s not for me, it’s not because I need this job. I ask myself “Why are you in the campus?” and it’s just struck me, I’m here for the LOST , I’m here to share and make the kingdom of God known, I am here for God and not for me. I should keep my faith strong I should keep Standing firm and keep holding on to His promise.

right now, I’m struggling with my mom, currently she want me to focus on our business and not to go on campus anymore, I don’t want to dishonor my mom, but I also don’t want to dishonor God by not doing what He asked me to do. To go in campus and reach for the lost students

Answering the CALL = YES!!!

“Go therefore make Disciple of all Nation.”

Back when I start attending here in Victory Balanga, I was plugged in Every Nation Campus, at first I don’t know what is the meaning of that. The only thing I know is that it is fun, lot of singing, going to manila (with no chaperon), but upon learning what campus missionaries are doing in the campus I told myself “don’t worry that is not your forte”.

After sometimes, I try to remove myself from ENC. I tried to tell myself that I need to get out of this ministry. But whenever I tried to do it I always end-up still being in the ministry . That is the time I choose not to run anymore cause I became exhausted and tired.

I enjoy visiting campuses, but whenever I see students I felt afraid and sad. I see them being lost like just me (before), afraid that what will happen to them if we can’t share the Gospel to them in addition afraid for rejection. That they will not accept any help especially to the person they just met.

That day when the Phopetic Team  of victory malate arrive in balanga to phopecy, I was able to attend that said event. I was told that I will have a good career in our business that our business will have lot of branches and even another field in business (which is not suprising since they ask me if i’m working or not or have a business, so I assume way back there that OK there’s nothing gonna happen that will amaze me)
Then after that, he told me that I will teach students, back then my expression was “REALLY? I hate teaching” I don’t really see myself as a teacher, I know that I can’t do it. It won’t work, but maybe I should try apply for a position of instructor in one of the school here in bataan.. after that told me that I will go to different places to make the Name of the Lord and His Kingdom be known, I told myself “alright I’m going abroad”

I was really excited especially to the last one, that I will go to other place. But something change, someone ask me in the center. “don’t you like to be a fulltime” another one ask me “fulltime ka ba (are you in fulltime) “. Still wandering what’s wrong with this people I ask God, what is the meaning of fulltime. is that what He want for me. Then a lot of thought enter my mind, a thought of fear in finances, thoughts that I don’t have the ability , etc. but still I end up asking myself “how about the lost student, isn’t this is your task to Share the Gospel to the Lost” 

I ask God to help me know if this is my calling to know if I need to go fulltime, I can still serve Him even not as fulltime. I can give Him a bigger tithes if I won’t go in fulltime, but God answered me so clearly, He even use my leader I still remember that day when my leader is getting some water downstairs and I was heading to the second floor she shouted
LanieGO FOR THE CALL” . at first I thought “what is she talking about I never told her about my plan in fulltime” I even ask who’s voice is that… then I just smile .

Then ofcourse God answer me thru His Word, telling me not to worry that He will help me to speak like what He did to Moises, that I just need to stand still. Even lately a confirmation everyday. That this is my calling and I just need to keep HOLDING ON KEEP PRESSING ON ,…. FOCUS TO HIM ALL ALONE 

I THANK God for the privilege that He given to me

To USE AND MOLD my Heart according to His purpose

Calling

I been asking myself why am I still alive.?
what am I going to do in this planet?

There’s something missing in my life. There is something I been wanted to know and see. I ask God if what is His plan to me. Last february 2015 I start involving myself to our Church. I start as a volunteer in campus, talking to some student as an intern, then music ministry, and ushering, and tech.

But something is still missing

But the thing I know is I enjoy going to campus, I enjoy talking to student, and listening to their stories.

I ask myself if ever I got some change and someone approach me in my campus when I was in college or highschool I will surely be happy. I told myself that I cannot be a campus missionary, I cannot do this things because I wasn’t save in campus, I didn’t know how to speak to student, I didn’t know what to do.

but there is onething I know for sure.

God will surely use me🙂