You cry at small thing, you always cry…

You get emotional … you get sad …

You don’t know what to do….

You can’t filter what other is saying to you…

You got easily get hurt when someone stab you in the back…

You trust too quickly and too quick you got hurt too….

You forgive all the time… in return they abuse you…

You try to help other…. Forgetting you also need help….

You get all the blame… then overthink at the end….

Is it like a cycle?

Yes you is WEAK!!!

But, being weak is OKAY… really …. Being weak means you still need someone to depend on, and that will be Jesus.

Be proud if you are weak, for He will give you strength. He will help you in everything that you need.

Do not worry, just trust on His timing.

Yes it is easy to be said but hard to do, right?

I may not know how hard your struggle now, I may not know how hard you are trying to be strong, to keep that tears from falling down your eyes. I may not know what running in your mind right now. How you cope with your problem… how you want to JUST END everything… to remove all the pain your life….

I may not know what your struggle now, but one thing is for sure, you are getting on the right track now.

Every single person got a problem, they are all same. The only different is how we react in our problem how can we cope with our problem.


Don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault. Please don’t

“How can I face this mountain?”

We all ask the same question in some point of our life. We can face our mountain, we must be brave and trust in our God that will guide and show us how to overcome our mountain.

Faith that God can remove the mountain of our life, well that’s what every one of us want. That out of nowhere our problem just disappear or that we receive an answer without effort. If that is the scenario we can easily put our trust in our God.


What if our scenario is that we need an action, an obedience to our Lord? Sometimes mountain don’t just move or disappear but we need to climb it, climbing the mountain is not easy. You will encounter lot of difficulties, like river crossing, heat, thirst, hunger, ache foot and more.

Sometimes God want us to trust Him, that He will give us STRENGTH TO CLIMB our mountain. That He will be with us while climbing our mountain. That he will lead us to the right path. NO SHORTCUT… why?? Because He want us to learn something from that, when we encounter so much pain it stay in our mind in that way we will be more mature and stronger than before, because we learn something new.

Do not be afraid to walk with God, to climb our mountain with God. He overcome the world surely He will overcome our mountain us well. We just need to trust in God, He is cultivating us, training us to be a good soldier.  We are getting better, than before. Don’t lose hope for we have God. Trust in His timing, please don’t give up.

I’m not saying that you should act strong… NO…. we are weak… so don’t act strong if you are weak. For God our Father know us from head to toe.

He will be happy if we ask for His help. Sometimes we thought that He is not listening in our problem, no He always have a time for each every person in the world. Believer or not…

He listen to our affliction all the time. He listen to our cries… He know how hurt we are … when we got hurt, He got hurt too….

Let’s just trust in Him, as we ask help from Him we must as well follow what God want us to do. Sometimes God given us a lot of answer and choice, but we tend to go on our own comfort zone, to follow what we thought is right. Follow God, you may thought that it will be hard, but don’t lose hope, ask for strength to our God, for us to follow what He is asking us to do …

I will be happy to pray for you.




2 Corinthians 12:10

10That is why, for the sake of Christ, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.


It’s been 3 months since the last time I ask myself why am I still alive, and God told me about my mission  , about my calling


I thought it will end in that, that my decision will never change, that I will enjoy it no more problem since I’m following what God want me to do.

But I was wrong, because I got lot of problem in my family in our business, in myself.

I often ask myself if I am worthy, if I’m effective or if I need to continue this walk.

People judge me, they let me think that I must end my life. (Yes it came to the point that I want to commit suicide) they are leaders yet they do that, they are even mature than me (spiritually and age hehe )

It really pull me down, depression come and self-pity follows. But God never allow lies to fill my mind and heart, as I was doing okey after a few weeks. I came to a point where I ask about my future


“Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans for you, plans to prosper you, to give you hope and a FUTURE”


One of my fav verse, but yet I forgot it during that time.
I ask myself about my future, will I be able to have a money for my schooling in campus missionary. Will I be able to provide for my family, will I be able to manage both our business and my calling.?

After that all question it’s time for me to read the bible to know what God want to tell me.

As I open my bible it really struck me first point. In john 14 it says there
“do not let your hearts be troubled, you believe in God.”
yes I am a worrier (but I should be a warrior). I worry a lot and give my heart a fast beat, it say in verse 2, “I am going there to prepare a place for you”
when I read about it, it give me a piece and it struck my heart that I worry too much not knowingly that God is preparing a place for me.

Guess what He didn’t stop there…. In chapter 15 verse 4

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you” it really talk to me, before reading my devotion I ask God, what if I misunderstood You God, what if this is not my calling, I should QUIT and focus on something. But NO God is really amazing, He don’t want me to leave His side. He want me to remain in what He called me to do.  In verse 9: “Now remain in my LOVE” I was really hurt by this not because He don’t want me to do what  I wanted but because he want me to remain in His LOVE, which is what I WANTED AND NEEDED
But the most verse that got my attention is in
John 15:16 “You did NOT choose me, but I CHOSE YOU and APPOINTED you so that you might GO and BEAR FRUIT – fruit that will LAST –

I was amaze, it touch my heart it give me an assurance that God really chose me before I even met Him, before I even accept Him, He already plan this He already appointed me and He even declare a blessing and the best fruit… an assurance that I will be effective, because it is He that put me in my place now. I never knew that God will ever talk to me like this, the chapter of John that I’m reading now is all about his capture yet He still speak to me, yet He still want to make an assurance that I will not be left hanging question what will happen. Imagine how great are God is? Why did I ever run away from Him from the very start…

He even told me to keep holding on, that I should not be worry, I will be strong because He is in me

In verse 18, “if the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.” V19 “ you do not belong to the world, but I have CHOOSEN YOU OUT OF THE WORLD.”
reading this verse really give me hope, really refresh me really show me how much God love us, and will never leave us alone whatever happen, he even prepare us.


In chapter 16:2 “They will put you out of the synagogue; in fact, the time is coming when anyone when anyone who KILLS you will think they are offering a SERVICE TO GOD.”

It really a personal, He really know our struggle, and will talk to us thru bible believe me, I never expect to read it in this chapter where in it’s all about the capture of Jesus yet, here He is telling me that even someone kills me (bring me down or make me feel so bad that lead to depression) they think that they are offering or they are pleasing God..    but they only doing that because they do not know God. I still love them, I will not hold grudge to them for God love me when I didn’t know Him yet.

Before the capture Jesus even pray for his disciple, for the people that will share His word,

John 17:20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message”


I was really amazed how God can communicate with us thru the bible, truly this His living word, the bible is alive as our God is alive … praise God forever and ever …

Tough LOVE :)


I didn’t expect to experience the tough love earlier than our series🙂

tough love will be our Youth Service series this coming friday and I just experience it, while me and my pakner (bestfriend) are talking in chat and sms, we got in a debate with regards on standing what is right and wrong.

I realize it’s not that easy to accept correction and hearing (seeing) from your friend what wrong with you give me a heart ache. I thought that even my friend can’t love me from my worst, maybe I am not worth loving, maybe they are right that I am the problem why I don’t got lot of friend, I pity myself, I told myself that I need to stop reaching the campus since I am not worthy , I’m a sinner , I can’t be a leader.

But I was wrong, God use my friend to open my mind, to remind me to be humble, to just obey Him and follow Him, that I don’t need to worry. He reminded me in Matthew 5:8 – “bleesed are the pure in heart, for they will see God”. God knows me and He want me to have a pure heart He want me to remind that heart, so that I can see Him, He don’t want to lose me, I am WORTHY in Him🙂

That I am a LIGHT AND SALT of this World. I need to share the light and they need to see the light in me, they need to see Jesus in me🙂  as said in “Matthew 5:16”- In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. 
At the end of our day, we only want to glorify our Father in heaven.

In Matthew 5:24 – “Leave your gift there in front of the altar, first go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. “ After reading this He remind that I need to have a pure heart and reconcile to my mom🙂 I need to be humble and submit myself I need to keep on accepting everything, I need to protect her and I don’t need to be cold to her even I got hurt. I need to do that for them to see Jesus in me and for God to be glorified .

Matthew 5:39 – “But I tell you, do not resist an evil PERSON. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”

For Him I can do everything to Honor Him because he is so WORTHY TO BE HONORED

even when it hurt, now I understand why Pakner need to tell me that things. I thank her for taking a step of courage and sincerity for me to know it🙂❤



Most of  the time I pray for my friend, family and ofcourse myself

“Lord God please help my friend NOW, give her knowledge in knowing everything. Give her financial breakthrough”

“Lord help her, that she can move on in her problem in love life NOW, I want to see her moving on”


As I was washing our clothes, (hand wash with the help of washing machine) I came to a thought I always talk to God whenever I’m doing some house hold choirs, and upon asking Him when will my friend will overcome her struggle, it’s quite so long now, I want her to be happy again a genuine smile. So I pray again asking God to heal her heart and to let her know that she is love that she need to move on.

But God speak to me, to wait on His timing, that He know what is best for my friend, that if I really love my friend I will TRUST God, because as much as I like my friend to be on track again God also want that more than my eagerness. I told Him, “oh Lord I forgot You know everything I should stop asking You to bring that fast or to have it now. I should wait for Your right timing, Your timeline is always perfect, I just need to be eagerly wait to be a WITNESS  in my friends testimony”

He told me that I don’t need to think too much about my friends problem because He is in control, that my friend’s problem will surely be resolve. In His timing, because if I force or we force to be finish it without God’s approval we are going to get hurt. We will be forcing it and it will only hurt us too much.

God reminded me

…..that all I need to do is be still and know that He is in CONTROL

…. That everything will be OKEY in the future

…..that she will overcome it

….I will be a witness in her testimony




Posting in FB while you are high in your emotion is not good at all.

I tried to  stop doing that but I really can’t understand the PEOPLE

why are they good at judging (they should be a JUDGE)


I really don’t know how can someone just judge somebody when they don’t know the side of the other person, how come they can easily say that you are not  you. that you are not worthy of things, that you are not good.
when you try to be good to other they are easily can make you feel so worthless, so useless.

sometimes people even … NO almost all the time are try to bring you down, why the HECK they want to be a crab … !!!


I hate it … sorry guys … I need a comfort😦


someone told me that i’m a plastic hahah amazing, I even dont know that i’m that kind of girl . I really don’t get it how come she can judge me the fact that she is a leader yet she judge me. I thougth that I can trust them that’s why I told them my prob so that they can help me. but the problem is NO, they didn’t help me they Judge me. tand this is the reason why I choose to build my wall

I know I should not post this here in my blog since all I want is to give encouragement to other but the thing is I just want my reader to know that I also have and encounter some problem and struggle that really make me sad and give me a hard time. I don’t really know what to do but I will just trust God that He will never give this to me if I cannot handle it

but the thing is we need to be very careful in whom we can trust, it’s not because they are leader for a long time you can trust them. sometime you just need to stick to people that really been tested by circumstances.

having a wall is not a good thing but for me now this is the best thing I can do, I’m already tired, tired of being hurt and now being judge and hearing those hurtful words. I don’t really know whom to trust. I felt like I’m all alone …

I don’t want to make any emo or sad statement here, I don’t want to discourage you to trust someone or to tell your problem to your friend, but I am just here to tell you to be very careful. Not everyone that is smiling to you is you friend.
This world is so full of traitor you only need to trust God .

the thing that I am praying now is that I won’t have a heart of stone … I don’t want to isolate myself again, I don’t want what I am thinking😦


but something is for sure something will happen in the future and I know there is something that I will know and see …


First Test… Family

atfirst at thought everything will be easy, everything will fall according to my plan, that i won’t need to worry about anything. Everything will fall according to plan. But I was wrong, even though we have a business.

It is more challenging now because I got two work, I got two responsibilities (ofcourse we already have a lot).

I thought my sister will be the one that I will be in struggle since she is the one that won’t go to church with us. But God is good all the time, she told me that if I’m happy with Campus Missionary just go.

“alright everything is according to my plan ”

i was so happy and then God say, but it’s not my plan, let see

so God show me how she gonna deal with me and it’s my mom that struggle me. She don’t want me to go to church anymore, (only once a week )

and it really hurt me since I go to campus, and i do some ministry in music. I ask myself God is this dishonoring You if I won’t follow Your calling. I need to focus .

to make my long story short (since i’m kinda sleepy it’s already 2am)

I was like out of focus, I forgot that I have a big god and everything is according to His plan not on my plan. I just need to relax and stand firm🙂